you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
