A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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