you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
