Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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