She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize