i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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