I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Green mimosas i think yes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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