YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
