the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
