I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
