I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
