Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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