My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
