hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
