I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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