I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
