u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
