I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
