the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
