she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
