yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
