Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
