thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
