So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
