Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
