I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just gargled with NyQuil
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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