What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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