And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
