I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
