I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
