My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
