No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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