i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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