drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
