saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
