she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
