I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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