Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my shit smells like andre
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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