just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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