that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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