This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
