I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
