Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
