I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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