The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
