he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
