I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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