Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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