you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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