Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize