You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
