Dual....:-)
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
