Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Come on in and take your pants off
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