is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
