you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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