God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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