Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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