It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
