You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
