am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i dont even know how to be here
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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