Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
