she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
