i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
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He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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