Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
