she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize