I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
