Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
