Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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