I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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