I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
