I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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