I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
