Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
